I am so grateful for the support I've already received in just a few minutes! God is Awesome!
Many I have known, or who have known me, are surprised by my confession that I am a domestic and spiritual abuse survivor.
Proof that so many of us put on these masks of armor and hunker down. Just keep going in spite of tectonic shifts.
That's one of the things I hope to offer - support and encouragement for the amazing people we are.
Men and Women.
So how did I get here? How did I find myself in this place?
It started with my desire to have a happy, Huxtable-esque marriage that was anchored in the church to ensure that we would beat the odds.
I loved my husband with all my mind, heart, and soul. But unfortunately, I didn't love myself the same. I eventually found that many churches were invested in this dysfunctional paradigm that favored men at the expense of women (not all, just some).
Since my name Allison literally means "Truth," I eventually found that I could no longer lie.
And my life was a lie and that wasn't acceptable to me.
And that meant deconstructing everything and I was beyond terrified.
Here I was a stay-at-home mom with no real income of my own and even less self-esteem.
Surely I couldn't be a single mom.
But something within me would not let my daughter internalize all the messages of inferiority so I had to go.
So I did.
Inch by inch.
It was NOT easy.
And I did it alone - no family, loss of my support network in the church. Just a renegade on her own.
Lord, have mercy!
But I did it!
And I became radically committed to supporting others who may find themselves in this place.
One of the reasons I have resisted writing about this is because I didn't want to seem bitter. I wanted to be sure I wrote from a place of love and healing.
For sure I am imperfect.
My crisis of faith was far more painful than losing my Stepford-wife lifestyle.
But it's about the Truth.
So if there are any of you out there - men and women - who have been stripped of your very sense of self that knows there's more to you and your life and your relationship to God, let me hear from you.
With love and kind blessings -
Alli!
Great premiere post- the first of many that will undoubtedly help many.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your willingness to share your "story" of being a thrivor!
Love,
Brenda
Thank you, Brenda! I just want to love and share! And you are an amazing woman in your own right!
ReplyDeleteOkay I posted yesterday and it did not post. I am new to this blog thing so forgive me.
ReplyDeleteTo my Big Sis of over 20+ years, I am so proud and excited for you on your new venture.
Most of us want that beautiful wedding day and the Huxtable houshold, but TRUTH be told is that when we plan for that wedinng we plan for that one day and not the marriage; I know I did and that is why I am dovorced. Since my divorce in 04, I have learned to focus on what makes me happy (my name means Happiness) because I realize that only me can make me happy and I cannot look for someone to make me happy but for someone who can add on to my happiness.
In my relationship of 6months, my boyfriend and I are focusing on the relationship and not what society says "how a relationship should be". Yes it is new, but we are finding creative ways to keep it new and creative ways to keep us both happy without loosing our self, our purpose and pur spirit. In past realtionships, I was loosing my sense of self and now I realize as I matured, I can still have my sense of self and not loose me in my relationship.
Thanks for the above and keep up the AWESOME work. You have my full support!
Sunnine Sunshine (Sannah)
@Sunshine Baby Girl -
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting! You know I love you like my very own. And I am so proud of YOU for asking the hard questions, accepting the uncomfortable answers, and crafting a life more pleasing to you. You continue to be True and know that Happiness is everyone's destiny and surely yours since that's your name.
All my love -
Big Sis