Girl Power! (P.S. I Am NOT My Hair!)

As my daughter’s first season as a high school baller comes to a close, I am moved by what I have observed as real Girl Power.

At each game, I see strong, confident young women who lead their teams and conquer themselves on the court not only through physical athletic skill but critical thinking in the heat of the moment.

As most know, sports have often been seen as a microcosm of the world and a great place to learn life skills that can be used in myriad situations.

The strength and confidence I see in these ladies makes me so proud.

Now that being a professional female athlete is more common, young women have role models who are assertive and powerful and can now develop these traits without feeling as self-conscious. It is more the norm, as it always should have been.

I also see these ladies defining themselves for themselves. This includes their sense of style. Whether it’s considered girlie or tomboyish (or some of both on any given day), it’s for them to decide and express boldly.

As athletes, my daughter and her teammates are developing all kinds of muscles in daily practices and multiple games each week that involve lots of sweat.

And we sisters know that sweat is the enemy of our hair!

Unfortunately, my daughter has still had to face a few unenlightened individuals who say that all she needs to do is run a flat iron through her hair or do something about those edges and she’d be fine.

Not compliment her on her initiative and commitment, or encourage her skill and prowess, but tell her she needs to do something about her hair even if she is an athlete.

Note to all the haters: she IS fine JUST AS SHE IS!

Unlike her Mama, Drew is also a true fashionista. She confidently explores different clothing and hair styles, make-up (sigh), and (double sigh) even hair color (more on that later). She naturally has light brown hair that gets blonde streaks in the summer thanks to the sun and chlorinated pool water. When she was a toddler, “some” people used to ask me if I had her hair professionally highlighted.

Really, people? She’s a baby!

Anyway, this year, she wanted to dye her hair black (that double sigh in the previous paragraph). After a year of heavy lobbying from her and our hair stylist, I relented.

Why?

Based on much thought, prayer, deliberation, and research, I came to the conclusion that a big part of being a teenage girl is about having fun! It's the one time in your life when you get to experiment (within reason) with your own ideas about beauty and define them for yourself.

Plus I decided she could want to dye her hair purple or blue so what the hell?

I didn’t get to freely explore who I was as a young woman because I came from a family and an era where a lot of unnecessary judgment was attached to something that can really be seen as a normal part of growing up.

Back in Alli’s Two Cents published February 18, 2011 (Happy Being Me [Even If Me Is Nappy]), I experimented with growing my hair out, re-texturizing it, and coloring it.

That lasted about three weeks.

I am happy to say I’m back to short, natural and even more gray!

What’s so disconcerting to me is the impact these subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages have on our girls (especially from those closest to us whose opinions do matter) as they develop their very fragile sense-of-self in a culture obsessed with an ideal of “beauty” that has been proven to be unattainable, let alone sustainable.

I do hope that one day, we as African Americans will come to a place where we can fully embrace who we are in all of our gorgeous splendor.

I am grateful (30-Day Gratitude Experiment!) that my daughter has chosen to pursue athletics at a time when female basketball players are seen as the norm. (Hopefully they will eventually not all be seen as lesbians, even if some of them are, but that's another blog for another time.) I am also optimistic that coming-of-age in this context will help her to realize that true Girl Power comes from knowing who you are within based on what you innately love and being your authentic self without apology.

I happen to see the rise of female athletics as one vehicle for doing just that.

And I pray that she and her teammates will continue to develop internal and external muscles in the crucible of life on and off the court.

Finally, for the record, let’s remind ourselves of what India.Aire so eloquently sang a few years back:

I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am not your expectations, no

I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am the soul that lies within