What’s it All About, Alfie? - Dedicated to Baby Stiles, Aunt Shirley, and Grandma

What's it all about, Alfie?

Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind?
I believe in love, Alfie.
Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Alfie.
When you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie.

Excerpted from the classic song written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David and recorded by Dionne Warwick circa 1966

So I guess this title and tune tells even more about my age (and don’t hate on vintage Dionne). But there’s nothing like a sudden Turn of Events to give rise to a bunch of questions and realign one’s perspective.

Event One:

A friend of mine, Rikki Brown, lost her baby son, Stiles Alexander Curtis Brown. A Beautiful Soul who fought hard to get here (he was born at a tender six months) and is gone too soon (made his transition at a tender 19 months).

Rikki called him, “Her little engine that did.”

Indeed.

Seeing a tiny casket surrounded by pictures and poems decorated with Disney characters touches a place deep within all of us, especially those of us who are parents. My teenage daughter, who accompanied me, said I did worse than Rikki.

Event Two:

After the wake for the Beautiful Soul, my daughter and I high-tailed it to Philly for yet another Homegoing. This was for my Aunt Shirley Berry Bright.

Aunt Shirley and my mother, an only child, literally grew up together. They had been friends since the 10^th grade at Overbrook High School in West Philadelphia and went on to be roommates in college at New York University. From there, they travelled almost 60 years of highs and lows, weddings and divorces, births and deaths, and definitely shopping.

I remember summer weekend afternoons watching Aunt Shirley and Mommy smoke cigarettes and listening to them tell all the same stories while Aunt Shirley made Kool-Aid. I also remember her encouragement through high school and college, being front and center at my wedding where her talented son sang, and rallying around my utter fear of inadequacy when my daughter was born. She was central to my Village and there was always, always laughter. Mommy remembers, too. 

Event Three:

While riding home from Aunt Shirley’s funeral, I received a call from Drew's dad – his mother had just died. Boy, I did not want to tell my daughter this news but without even looking at me, she reluctantly held her hand out for the phone as if she already knew.

I was not, however, prepared for her reaction.

It was disbelief and tears and screams of denial that had all of us in the car in a fresh round of tears. "You're lying!" she cried. “You're not telling the truth! Just take her to the doctor, Daddy, and she’ll be fine.”

Drew’s Grandma was just indescribable. She had lived to see it all. She had picked cotton in the south; endured back-breaking labor in a factory in Baltimore; lost her one and only love early in their marriage; and cooked like it was Thanksgiving every Sunday. She had lots of love and kind words, warm hugs and good cheer, and a double-barrel shotgun by the bed just in case. And she LOVED her family, especially her children and grandchildren.

So - 

Maybe death does come in threes.

I can’t say for sure but it definitely did this past weekend. 

When many of us face these kinds of Events, we may find ourselves wondering, “What’s It (Life) All About?”

Well, how about yet another Unusual Event in the midst of all of this?

I had landed a new job in Suburban Philly (just outside my hometown) and was looking forward to clicking my heels three times and chanting, “There’s no place like home.” However, the relo was proving a bit challenging logistically and I couldn’t find a neighborhood to live in with a decent public school that I could manage financially. I was also in the running for a job where I currently reside but hadn’t gotten an offer.

So I’m due to the new Philly gig Tuesday morning and it’s Saturday. On my way to Event Two, I had a little talk with Jesus and We decided, “Listen, Allison, you actually have a job in Philly. If you have to commute for a few months, so be it.” Because, to paraphrase Tommy Davidson’s homeless character in Spike Lee’s Bamboozled, “In the meantime, in between time, we need some income comin’ in.”

So check this out: not one hour after I gave my, “Drew, I’m going to have to be able to trust you and depend on you because my days will probably be long but we can make it” speech, I got a restricted call on my cell phone. “Hi, this is Allison,” I shout into my corded (that’s right I said corded) ear piece. “Ms. Miller,” the Recruiter said, “We normally don’t call on a Saturday but thought you’d want this good news.” I got the local job!

All I could do was shake my head and give profound thanks for the certainty that even when it doesn’t feel so hot, everything always eventually turns out in the best way possible for all involved. 

Most of us single moms worry incessantly about having enough, being enough, and doing enough. But when I looked at Events One, Two, and Three of the past weekend, even the new job with more money paled in comparison to the ultimate gift of life and sharing that gift in the forms of love and support when needed most. And that gift can only come from the Source. 

“All has been heard; the end of the matter is: Fear God [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is] and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man [the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of God's providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun] and the whole [duty] for every man.”

-  Ecclesiastes 12:13 Amplified Bible

Now don’t faint at the sight of a Bible verse in my blog but here’s my conclusion to the whole matter: Love God, Love Yourself, and everything else will follow.