Happy Anniversary - I Look To You

This week marked the one year anniversary of Alli’s Two Cents!

Can you believe it?!

Maybe it’s me but 2011 flew by at warp speed. And considering how intense a year it was for many of us, perhaps that’s a good thing. J

I want to say THANK YOU for the outpouring of support and affirmation I’ve received from my friends, family, loved ones, and brand new followers as you have all read my many musings.

Most of all, I thank God for how He / She has kept me.

As I look back over the past year, I can truly say that I would not be where I am today without the grace and mercy of God’s power, which continues to sustain me.

God, in all things, I look to You.

As I am sure many of you know, I Look To You was the title of the last recording released by Whitney Houston.

How many of us could have imagined that we would be mourning her loss at this time in our lives and history?

I know there has been much written and speculated about her very untimely transition. So much so that I considered not mentioning it at all.

But my thoughts have persisted over these past few days so I hope you will indulge me.

I don’t have anything profound or indicting to say about Whitney Houston’s past, conflicts, or issues. And surely there are no other accolades or adjectives I could add to describe her tremendous voice and catalogue of work.

All I can speak to is the lesson I took from this very unfortunate turn of events.

Whitney Houston’s untimely death truly startled me.

It made me wonder what could have possibly been going through her mind, heart, and spirit to bring her to this place.

We can all opine ad nauseum about what she could have done, what she should have done, who she really was, and who she really was not. But at the end of the day, perhaps she was just a tortured soul who was tired.

A little while back I wrote about how we as a culture view and engage gentle people (Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve – Alli’s Two Cents, December 22, 2011). Many may not consider Whitney Houston a gentle person per se, because she was a diva in every sense of the word. But I wonder if her often over-the-top persona was a mask she donned to make sure the show went on when on the inside, there was pain she obviously numbed with many externals, be it substances or bravado.  

And while many may not agree, I just feel like maybe she was a gentle soul who didn’t always make the right choices or choose to surround herself with the best people (who of us hasn’t had a blunder or two on both counts?) who, in the end, wasn’t strong enough to fight all of the battles she faced, both external endured and internally inflicted.

And the fact that we can so harshly scrutinize that makes me sad.

No excuses – just an observation.

For me, this was a wake-up call.

Every time I think of her and the tears well up in my eyes, I am filled with a resolve to not let my past inform my destiny; frame my perspective; become my identity.

I suppose that somehow, we must all bravely and courageously address and heal from the challenges life inevitably brings, and, in our own way and in our own time, find that path to surrender and peace where we can let go of the hurt and embrace the Love that truly offers oil for ashes, joy through sorrow, and the proverbial garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

If not, carrying that weight will take a costly toll.

So God of grace, mercy, love, kindness, and compassion, with profound gratitude and humility, here is all I can say:

I look to You,
I look to You
After all my strength is gone
In You I can be strong
I look to You,
I look to You
And when melodies are gone

In You I hear a song
I look to You