So you knew it was coming, right?
My “Two Cents” about love. Romantic love. A “boo.”
So for me nothing is separate from Spirit and the Law of Attraction.
Which means we have what we think, right?
According to the Universal Law of Attraction, like attracts like. Whatever energy or vibe I’m putting out attracts life experiences and people on the same wavelength. Teachers like Iyanla Vanzant constantly remind us, “Our thoughts are seeds we plant and are the cause of every condition in our lives. My success, health, wealth, and relationships are a direct result of my thinking.”
In the relationship department, I can relate to Whitney Houston’s character Savannah in Waiting to Exhale. As she prepares for a blind date on New Year’s Eve, she recalls asking God for a good man and proceeds to list what she got. Her conclusion was that God had some serious explaining to do.
I confess that many times I have felt exactly the same way.
“What the hell are Ya doin’?” I secretly wonder, hoping He / She is not going to turn me into a pillar of salt for saying a swear word in my prayers.
When I first learned of this Law of Attraction stuff, it posed a serious threat to my traditional biblical indoctrination. See, in the olden days we were taught that the life we wanted came about by using the Savannah method: you pray to God; ask; live right (and repent when you don’t); and wait for your change to come.
When it doesn’t happen, or at the very least seems to be a bit protracted, your only alternative is to ask AGAIN; live righter (and repent a bit more fervently); and wait AGAIN.
Now when it doesn’t happen this time, your only alternative is to question / doubt / blame yourself, or wonder if there’s something not quite right with this version of God and this process.
Well, you know blaming God is a guarantee that that prayer won’t get answered. Questioning the Almighty is just not done. So it must be you. Of course, this leads to the abyss of spiraling self-flagellation that confuses matters all the more until we ultimately sigh, shrug our shoulders, and resign ourselves to living a life according to the “cards we have been dealt.”
According to the Law of Attraction, we are the ones who create the life we want according to the thoughts and feelings we constantly dwell upon and the subsequent beliefs they solidify. If we constantly think we’re wrong or bad or undeserving or not‑living-up-to-God’s-standard-so-that’s-why-we’re-being-punished, we create a haze of funk that will only attract more of the same and reinforce exactly what we don’t want.
We blame ourselves or God or others instead of owning what we have created and taking empowering steps to change our thoughts according to what we do want. That requires taking responsibility and we humans have a profound aversion to taking responsibility.
I must admit that when I first learned this concept, taking responsibility sounded a lot like the same type of blame: “Told you you’re all fucked up and what’s worse, it’s your fault!” That’s the sin / repentance piece that has nothing to do with how I truly AM and how God truly sees me. Nowhere does the Universe reject us. Nowhere does God reject us. Church may have with its steps and weeping and gnashing of teeth and, “Bless me, Father for I have sinned and please lay hands on me, Bishop, with lots of oil so I can be delivered, Hallelujah.”
So if I get past the condemnation that the church was supposed to be helping me release but was, in fact, reinforcing, I can actually say, “Yeah, I did do that but it’s OK and I’m OK. Let’s figure out how to do something that’s closer to what I really want.”
That’s taking responsibility.
But I have to warn ya that becoming free and empowered is a direct threat to those who are fully vested in you staying funky. Church. Friends. Family. Employer. Spouse. Children.
And even when we become aware, it’s easier to wear the badge of dysfunction than to actually change.
That’s where I was this one day as one of my Sister Friends and I embarked on a Girls Afternoon Out.
The night before our afternoon excursion, I went on a date with a blast from the past that left me brokenhearted a number of years back. One of my co-workers warned me that if he hadn’t explained the earlier heartbreak, he was still wishy-washy and something in me knew she was right. I forgot to mention that when we slip back to operating on the level of funk, amnesia sets in and our fear / lack training kicks back in full throttle. After all, wasn’t a date with potential (maybe he’s changed / seen the error of his ways) better than being home alone? (Do not answer that!)
The newly empowered me set the rules of engagement since I know how I want to be treated and I deserve respect (you know that’s right!).
Our date was scheduled for 6p. He calls at 6:20p to say he just got in, one of the basketball games he coaches ran late (the cell phone you’re calling me from now must not have been working then?!). He was supposed to have planned the date and did nothing. I mentioned a movie I was interested in seeing and he says, “Why don’t you look into it while I take a shower?”
Why don’t I look into it when you were supposed to have planned the date and you are half an hour late? Yeah, OK.
I wish I could tell you that’s what I said and told this guy to take a flying leap. But what ends up happening is we decide to go out for drinks (I pick the restaurant, of course) but deep down I don’t even want to go. (We decide on drinks because the movie isn’t out yet which means yes, I did look into it. I know, I know…)
Note to self: we teach people how to treat us.
As I recounted all of this to my Sister Friend, I mentioned my concern with attracting emotionally unavailable men. Perhaps it true, I lament, that maybe there aren’t any brothers out there who haven’t been mortally wounded. (Sound familiar? Here’s a refresher: sigh, shrug our shoulders, and resign ourselves to living a life according to the “cards we have been dealt.”)
And we'll just overlook the glaring pink elephant in the room for now (e.g., uh, Miss Alli, how emotionally available are you?).
Moving right along....
My Sister Friend is an AKA but didn't bring up anything pink. She simply, lovingly made a point that reminded me why I love her so.
She said, “You’re right - there isn’t anyone out there who hasn’t been wounded but there are people out there who have worked through their issues. Focus on attracting them.”
An “Aha!” moment indeed.
There’s no need to whine when I believe in the goodness and universal abundance of the Universe, right? I have the power through my thoughts and beliefs to create and attract exactly what I want (which, believe it or not, I am doing unconsciously anyway, but it’s just more stuff I don’t want.)
So get with the program, Sister (talking to myself). My man from group therapy is out there waiting for me to get it together.
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