Three Cheers for Darkness – Lessons in the Light

This week I’ve become one of the Seven Dwarfs – Sneezy.

Maybe it’s the mild winter that has morphed into an early summer, but Mr. Pollen and Ms. Ragweed, coupled with their offspring Dust Mites and Mold, are having a field day with my nose.

So for the past few nights, I have been awake at all hours of the night, sitting in the darkness feeling like two bricks are sitting on my cheeks shooting pain through my teeth while my mouth hangs open gasping for air like a fish out of water.

Not a pretty sight.

Instead of bemoaning my plight, however, I’ve learned to go with the proverbial flow.

Can’t sleep? That’s what cable TV is for.

Nose clogged up? A pot of piping hot water laced with eucalyptus does wonders for the nasal passages and the skin.

It’s looking for the blessings and the lessons in whatever comes my way.

And here’s a news flash: the lessons and metaphors are there if we look hard enough.

As Oprah and many spiritual masters admonish us, the power lies not in asking, "What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is this happening to me?” but in asking, “What is this here to teach me?”

You see, my nickname used to be Chicken Little.

At the sight of trouble, I’d break out in a cold sweat and swear that the end was near.

This was the Big One.

Just like Fred Sanford, I would look above and announce, “God (Elizabeth), I’m comin’ to join ya, honey.”

But years of declaring that the sky was falling taught me that not only is this level of anxiety no fun for me and a drag for those around me, it really doesn’t help.

Duh.

I am so grateful and proud of myself for how far I’ve come.

I’ve learned to congratulate myself for the steps I’m taking, especially for the increasingly innate ability to find the good in every situation (major paradigm shift here).

So here’s the metaphoric lesson my sinusitis taught me as I panted in the dark:

Darkness does not come to do us in but to remind us of just how powerful the light is.

And that light is in us so we must be mega powerful.

So let’s hear it for darkness – it offers powerful lessons in the light.

God In Me, Is Me, As Me

Yesterday I had the honor and privilege of attending the Women of Prince George’s County Second Annual Women’s Conference themed, “Connecting the Dots Around the Beltway”.

I intentionally approached this event with no expectations so that I could allow God to enrich me in the best, most purposeful way.

And enriched I was indeed.

You see, I have stubbornly clung to this erroneous belief that I am in no way an entrepreneur because I am such a softy. I had a tough time imagining myself as a cold, hard business woman, especially when I would survey the accomplishments of so many women-owned businesses that are thriving in what can be a rough-and-tumble, male-dominated world.

But yesterday confirmed that there isn’t a vast difference between me and these women and what we do every day.

I learned that these ladies simply took a dream, passion or opportunity and made their way by putting one bold foot in front of the other. Every day they are confronted with the same challenges and obstacles I face; wrestle with making the same choices that I make; and move forward one bold step at a time, just like I do.

They are me and I am them and God is in us all as who we gloriously are.

I think we as women are learning to embrace our natural inclination to come together and nurture and uplift one another in the spirit of collaboration, a vastly different concept than networking.

We seem less inclined to fear one another and have, instead, realized that keeping it real by candidly sharing our triumphs and our failures empowers us to learn and to grow.

I like that.

Interestingly enough, as I was writing this week’s post, the idea that stood out the most was how much is really in me – in all of us – and how God gently yet persistently coaxes it out of us through our life experiences.

Like how in The Wiz, Glenda the Good Witch pointed out to Dorothy that she had the power to go home (bring herself back to herself) right under her nose all along.

Sometimes we have to take the scenic route in order to realize that what we want we already have within. And sometimes all we need is a good coach to nudge us out of our shell.

It brought to mind my current job, where I was hired by the best manager I have ever had – a woman who was an expert at mentoring as well as collaboration. She would ask for my input, actually listen to it, and incorporate it into our processes, all while sharing the load. This, of course, is a very different approach from the traditional top-down management model that is slowly (thankfully) becoming a thing of the past.

With her headquartered 3,000 miles away in our home office, I didn’t want to imagine navigating this distant, rocky terrain without her expert guidance. However, I would be forced to do just that soon enough

She moved on to bigger and better things just six months after hiring me but I soon realized that this was God’s way of saying, “You’ve had a great start – now it’s time for you to do you.”

God has always been like that with me: I only get to have my hand held for so long when, just like a baby bird, I get booted out of the nest so I can fly in my own glorious way.

I used to panic when these natural progressions would occur. But now I no longer view them as pass-fail tests of my mettle but a revealing of a self I may be tempted to hide if I was always standing in someone else’s shadow.

I learned that like a watchful loving parent, God is me, in me, as me and that He / She delights in watching me come into my own.

He / She also refuses to let me play small.

I have come to see that a big part of this life journey involves God reminding me Who I Am and honoring my true identity, much in the same way I insist on knowing the real name of all of the wonderful Asian brothers and sisters who take such good care of my hands, feet, and eyebrows. It may seem like a small thing but I always say to them, “I know your name is not Tracy/Mike/Tina – tell me who you really are.”

So yesterday’s event gave me the opportunity to enjoy the company of like-minded sisters who honor their voice as well as their gifts and talents by refusing to play small and encouraging us all to do the same. I learned that, at one time or another, we all have the same questions, doubts, and palpitating heart but we feel the proverbial fear and do it anyway.

And should we stumble and fall along the way, we have God in us and others around us to remind us to just do what the old song says:

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again J

Here's A Story...

Once upon a time there was a girl who came from a slightly provincial family with a lot of secrets.

Not like “your father’s really your brother” secrets but secrets all the same.

So she learned to hide them

And in turn she learned to hide.

And thus began her journey to cover up imaginary inadequacies unknowingly inherited but unconsciously passed down from generation to generation in perpetuity.

Then along came church. Real church.

Not like the go-through-the-motions church she grew up in but a soul-stirring, dig-deeper, I’m‑sure‑we’ve-got-the-answer-you’ve-been-looking-for church.

Since you’re all inadequate and all.

This is the kind of church that I think subconsciously seeks out hurting, weak people the way dogs and bees smell fear.

They will never admit it but they do for a host of reasons.

[At least my current level of spiritual evolution has brought me to a place where I can say I genuinely believe it is not consciously intentional (but is nevertheless strategic).]

In case you haven’t noticed, this story is about me.

See, I bought the church deal based on my own flawed grid and unmet needs.

Sure, churches should be held accountable for the doctrine they purvey if we as the congregation are going to consume.

But I alone am responsible for my own life and well being.

I gave away my power and wasted a lot of time punishing those who willingly took control of my life because I was too afraid to.

The only problem is they didn’t know they were being punished – it was all in my head.

And holding my mind, heart, and spirit hostage.

It’s like the proverbial adages about harboring unforgiveness: you know, holding the hot coal expecting someone else to get burned. Or drinking poison expecting someone else to die.

But this isn’t all about me.

It’s about a burning quest to heal myself first and foremost and a persistent passion to share what I hope will ultimately be a story of victory that empowers and inspires.

You see, it occurred to me (quite startlingly, actually) that shifting around the characters in this life drama (new job, new city, new gadgets, new clothes, new career, new love) yields the same results.

It’s window dressing.

Like what one of my aunts calls a whore’s bath: spraying perfume over a funk that, try as you might, just can’t be covered up.

I can’t end this story with a tidy solution packaged with a big red bow because it’s a work in progress.

But I am increasingly becoming OK with that.

As author Zora Neale Hurston puts it, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

I am grateful for the nuggets of discovery God reveals with each layer uncovered because with each level of personal truth I embrace, I feel more authentic and closer to following my bliss.

So I thank you for sharing this journey with me – I don’t mind sharing if you don’t mind coming along.

And I do hope you feel empowered, inspired, and indeed victorious.

Can You Hear Me Now?

For a while now, I’ve been on roller skates between events for myself (still buzzing after last week’s HBCU Experience reading and Mr. SOUL! screening J) and rippin’ and runnin’ with activities for my daughter, Drew.

I think it finally caught up with me and I’ve been having a low-grade temper tantrum.

You know, like a low-grade fever.

Or at least I’m kind of on strike.

Many nights I’ve been in the bed snoring by 9p.

And you can forget full-fledged grocery shopping or cooking a decent meal.

That’s SO not me!

I think it’s more than needing a time out.

I think it’s perfecting my ability to listen to that Still Small Voice and do what It says!

So I decided it’s OK to say no and slow down.

I dug out some old CDs that sound new to me and I am enjoying the simple pleasure of good music.

I’ve turned off the TV and am reading all those books I’ve been meaning to get to but keep pushing to the side.

Maybe it’s God’s way of checking my receptivity, making sure I’m in a place where I can get a good signal, and asking, “Can you hear Me now?”

Like finding a place of inner respite. Or reconnecting with an old friend.

Once again I am reminded that I cannot give from an empty well.

Incidentally, I noticed my daughter didn’t starve, the house didn’t burn down, and the world didn’t stop spinning.

So this week, I’m taking the advice of my Sister Friend Homegirl Dr. Argie Allen who always encourages us all to be thankful (smile) and let us all know that today, she is wisely taking a day to exhale. She notes, “Living in this very busy world where every day is so fast paced, we all need to just get away to relax, reflect, restore, and revive ourselves!”

While I can’t take a no-holds-barred Mental Health Day today, I will, as Dr. Argie also notes, at least find time to exhale on purpose J