Sticky Situation

Back in my 80’s college days, I remember smurfin’ away at the Blackburn Center at Howard University to a dance tune called Sticky Situation. Thanks to YouTube, I  took a lovely dance down memory lane this morning.

I figured the lyrics were about some kind of relationship drama but back then, I don’t think lyrics were the focus.

Today, however, I’m talking about a different kind of sticky situation when it comes to relationships.

How many of us have thought that by simply leaving a relationship or situation, all of our problems would be solved?

Not necessarily running away (even though that may have been a part of the exit strategy) but the notion that simply removing ourselves from the person or situation would make everything copacetic? (Another throwback for my 80’s crew!)

I’m here to tell you – based on personal experience – that if we don’t learn life lessons as they are presented, they will be back.

Like bad fungus.

What I also know for sure is that if we want them to, these lessons can usher us into a greater communion with the Divine, which is ultimately expressed in the love we show for ourselves and one another.

In my relentless search for Truth, I stumbled upon this wonderful passage in Rhonda Byrne’s latest offering, The Power.

Miss Rhonda is best known for her powerful book, The Secret, a wonderful introduction to the Law of Attraction. In The Power, Miss Rhonda makes it clear that the Power behind the Secret is…you guessed it – L-O-V-E.

In the chapter on The Power and Relationships, Miss Rhonda notes that the Law of Attraction is a sticky business. What that means is whatever I rejoice in, give, or offer out sticks to me.

What’s more, she also notes that I can make a shift in how I manage the people in my life that I consider challenging or difficult by looking at them as Personal Emotional Trainers (PETs). In this way, they are like physical personal trainers because, “they push me to my limits…but [they] are the ones who are making me stronger to choose love no matter what.”

So if I have trouble in my relationships, this sticky business, "...is fantastic news because it means [I] can stick everything [I] love and want to [me] by looking for the things [I] love in other people, and saying yes to them with all of [my] heart!"

I have to power to change my relationship challenges by, “noticing everything I love in other people,” which, she goes on to say, is a full-time job.

Ain’t that the truth.

I would have to say that since my existing strategies have not worked, I am willing to give her suggestion a whirl.

Last week while I was meditating over my cup of coffee with Queen Latifah, I purchased a journal with a cover that read, “Keep Calm and Carry On” (see Keep Calm and Carry On - Alli’s Two Cents dated January 19, 2012). Based on a principle from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance, I decided to use this as my gratitude journal. According to Miss Sarah, Miss Rhonda, and Oprah, listing five things I am grateful for before going to sleep every night can be life changing no matter what my day brought.

Since I am famous for buying beautiful journals to embark upon one inner journey or another, the frugal side of me kept the receipt in case this was another one of my internal excursions that cost me money I should probably spend on something more practical, like groceries or gas.

But alas, the Universe confirmed that I’m on the right track.

Every Monday, Miss Rhonda sends an email called the Secret Scrolls. This inspirational message is designed to help us Truth Seekers stay on the Path.

Here’s what the challenge was for this week:

If you have a problem with a member of your family who is negative, begin by writing a list of all the things you appreciate about that person. Remember to include gratitude to them for giving you a great desire for positivity in your life; because that is a gift they are giving you. As you focus with all of your strength on appreciation, you will not only reduce your exposure to the negativity, but at the same time you will be attracting positive people into your life. Get yourself on to the appreciation frequency, and the law of attraction can only surround you with people who are in a positive state.

Funny how the Universe responds to your intentions.

So I’ve embarked on a 30-Day Gratitude Experiment.

I am on Day Two of writing down five things I am grateful for not only in my day but in relationships that I may have deemed negative.

So far, my awareness has already increased and I am truly grateful for that! (Item #1 for tonight J)

I predict I will report back in 30 days a changed woman – more joyful, more at peace, and more loving. And I invite you to join me! Start today focusing on gratitude for whatever you may think isn’t working in your life and watch what happens! And do share!! 

Keep Calm and Carry On

I had a bit of a meltdown this week.

You see, I set this goal for 2012 to write this book I’ve been “working on” for over a decade (uh oh – did I just commit to that out loud?!) and I put a few of my friends on blast that I would need support as I go back to these very dark places on my way to chronicling triumph.

This blog was like sticking my pinky toe (not even my big toe) into the water to see if I could do it and anybody would listen.

And I think I can and I think people do!

But sometimes, y’all, I cringe when I read my own words.

“OH MY GOD!” I yell into the phone at my Soul Sister Friend Mandy. “I am so full of shit!”

After all, I had conceived the title - Alli's Two Cents - years ago and this Soul Sister Friend of mine “encouraged” (pushed) me to do it.

As I ranted and raved, she tried her best to calm me down (paraphrasing: “You’re way too hard on yourself but I have like a million exercise videos to help you relieve the stress.”).

But all I could feel was very naked and very much like an impostor.

I mean, I truly am on a relentless pursuit of the Truth so I can be my best self and live my best life.

But there are just some days I feel like I flunk.

Actually, it’s been one of those weeks.

The theme of this Second Act of mine (totally stolen from Jane Fonda) is reinventing (see Middle Aging Gracefully - Alli’s Two Cents dated November 10, 2011).

And I am really struggling with that, especially trying to locate my identity, my voice after a lifetime of living in the shadows of invisibly taking care of everybody else.

While much has been made about what will happen in 2012 and what it means, one thing I know for sure: it’s about guerilla spiritual transformation and realignment.

And my good friend and Life Coach Angel Richardson reminded me of that in one of her Facebook posts. As she so eloquently put it, “When you decide to change your life, DO NOT be alarmed when all HELL breaks loose. It's OK, work your way through it. It's all a part of the process. *Read: James 1:2.”

My response, by the way, was, “NOW you tell me!” But she countered with a very honest and appropriate, “Ha ha, Allison, but you know this, Lady!”

Note to self: your declaration to make changes for and about yourself, Alli, is gonna meet with some resistance.

And as my Pastor, Rev. Sylvia Sumter of Unity of Washington, DC, has been warning us, we will need a new level of connection with the Divine in order to manage the major shifts coming our way in this age. And her recommendation is increased prayer and meditation (guerilla realignment).

And let me tell you: I believe her and I am doing more praying and meditating!

So in the midst of my meltdown, I took a moment to still my beating heart and racing mind. And God spoke to me. Alas, if we but ask and believe, God does always send comfort. An angel. A ram in the thicket. A Word from on high.

Or, in my case, a magazine over a cup of coffee in a bookstore. (Not exactly textbook praying and meditating but anyway…..)

Believe it or not, God spoke to me through Queen Latifah in More magazine.

Here’s what the Queen said that God used to pierce me right between the eyes:

“I like imperfection. You take from the world when you’re not yourself. Whatever is unique and special about you was designed by God. And when you try to be someone else, we don’t get you. Who knows what you would have contributed to the world had you just been yourself, if you celebrated who you are and just walked boldly?”

I am learning to accept – maybe even embrace? – my imperfections as part of the journey (hey – my meltdowns used to last weeks – this was just a day or two).

The Queen Latifah article ends by saying that after that profound quote, the Queen – “a living testimony to her own philosophy” – walked boldly to her shiny black fat Escalade.

So picture me, feeling infused with the Queen’s swag and God’s spirit, walking boldly to my Honda Civic thinking and feeling this:

What is true about me is that I am imperfect but uniquely designed by God and determined to share my true self with the world in order to make a contribution. I am determined to celebrate who I am and walk boldly in the world so that those who are supposed to “get me.”

BAM!

Disclaimer: I can’t promise there won’t be more meltdowns! For now, we’ll just Keep Calm and Carry On.

Recreational Peace

Every now and then I get a knock-down, drag-out cold.

Last week was one of those times, thus the absence of Alli’s Two Cents.

After observing this cycle over the years, I have come to realize that this is my body’s way of letting me know that something’s out of whack. Usually there’s something dramatic going on – real or manufactured – that needs addressing. (I remember one year when I had bronchitis four times and my life truly was out of whack.) Either way, I’ve learned to listen to what I’ve decided is God saying, “Alli, we – your mind, body, and soul – need a time out.”

I once read an observation by noted physician and author Christiane Northrup that the only acceptable form of meditation here in the West is illness.

To my mind, that’s something to fix.

So for me, this episode was about being still and asking myself, “What is this about? What is really going on? What do I need to adjust?”

And then it hit me:

I realized that I wasn’t sick because I needed create an excuse to escape something I didn’t like about my life as in times past.

I have finally given myself permission to not only ask myself what I need and want but to give it to myself.

You see, since I have learned that I am responsible for creating or recreating my life as I see fit, this was not about fixing something on the outside but taking a look within.

The happiness, satisfaction, security, and peace I once sought from outside of myself I am now sure I can find within and that’s far more exciting than a new job, a new man, or a new anything outside of me. Those are all by-products of connecting and aligning with my goals, dreams, ideas, and vision.

And that’s what this downtime gave me – time to reconnect and realign.

For me this was an exhilarating discovery!

So even though I did have a cold, I felt great even though I felt miserable!

Recreational peace – recreating peace – means that I set aside time to sort through the menagerie of my thoughts and feelings and tell myself the truth about what’s really going on.

After all, that’s the original premise for recreation – recreating ourselves by taking time away from the day-to-day.

While I don’t recommend waiting until you get sick to take a time out, my recent rundown showed me that I am allowing and accepting that, as Oprah is so fond of saying, my life is always speaking.

For me, recreational peace is about listening.