Love - What the Bleep Do I Know?

Not long ago, I re-read the Conversations with God Trilogy as well as Friendship with God by Neale Donald Walsch.

Not exactly beach reading, I know, but for some reason as I read and contemplated, I “heard” it differently, more clearly. It resonated in a way I needed at that time and even now.

Walsch says that up until his conversations with God, his experiences with love had been a disaster.

I was tempted to label mine the same way. But that’s when God set him (and me) straight. 

According to Walsch, God says, “Nothing about love is meaningless. Love is the meaning of life itself. Life is love, expressed. That is life. Therefore, every act of love is life expressing, at the highest level. The fact that something, some experience is temporary, or relatively short, does not render it meaningless. Indeed, it may give it more meaning.” (Friendship with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, p. 299) 

Oh really now?

God goes on to say, “Experiences of love are temporary, but love itself is eternal. These experiences are only here-and-now expressions of a love that is everywhere, always.” (Ibid, p. 299)

Huh?

In spite of what it may seem like or how it may feel, every love is perfect. And perfect love casts out fear. 

Mmmm….

So in that way, I can look at every love experience – romantic or otherwise – as a necessary prerequisite to get me where I am on the journey now. And forever banish fear from my periphery.

All right – I can do that (or at least practice some every day).

This perspective has helped me become more forgiving of others and myself; bless each experience and each person, especially the difficult ones.

Most importantly I realized that, upon adopting this perspective, “one day, my soul just opened up.” (As Iyanla Vanzant so eloquently put it.)

What I once considered broken can now be seen as broken open so that the full beauty and fragrance of Who I Really Am can come forth and be shared with the world as my purpose.

It’s precisely because of all I’ve considered imperfect that I can be free to experience all of life from the same vantage point – it’s all good, it’s all God.

And I’m so glad about it – after all, What the Bleep Do I Know?!

Middle-Aging Gracefully

I have an old, dear friend from high school that I deeply cherish even though we are rarely, if ever, in touch.

He knows me in a way only old friends can.

The kind that saw you grow up and, in some ways, grew up with you.

He saw me stumble through adolescence, struggle in the midst of family dysfunction, whine through boyfriends, and find and pretend to find myself. We went on to graduate from college, get married, and have children. So he’s seen the best of times and the worst.

Yeah, he’s one of those.

After listening to me bemoan crisis after crisis over the years, he one day uttered words to me in absolute frustration that I’ve often recalled, especially more so here lately.

“Just once, Allison, I wish I would hear you talk about what you want for yourself.”

Even though I don’t recall my exact response, I’m sure it was somewhere between stuttering, stammering, and, finally, stunned silence.

I didn’t quite know how to respond because nobody in my young life ever gave me an inkling, let alone permission, to be selfish in a self-preservation kind of way.

Like when the cabin pressure drops, put the airplane mask on yourself first before you help others.

Love, particularly self-love, is like that airplane mask. When the demands of this life create fluctuations in pressure, you can’t get very far without it and you certainly can’t sustain you and someone else without it for long.

Never has this directive of self-preservation through self-love been more poignant than now as I watch the fruit of my womb come into her own.

She is a freshman in high school now, fully individuating (as she should be), and finding and defining herself for herself.

I know some of my words and guidance help but I often admire her fierce independence and quick wit, and proudly observe how she stealthily navigates the landscape before her, makes good decisions, and, more often than not, and lands on her feet just fine.

Like many moms – especially single moms – I have spent many years immersed in her growth and development and simply grindin' it out day-to-day.

There hasn’t always been enough self-love oxygen to spare ‘cause I’m too busy making sure she learns to put her oxygen mask on first.

But I have learned that being out of balance in that way doesn’t serve either of us. And I’ve learned that the greatest lessons are caught, not taught.

I now realize the power and responsibility of choosing the life I want based on my likes, preferences, goals, desires, dreams, and gifts. And even a healthy bit of selfishness.  

Yes, the growing young lady now inhabiting my space needs me but my role is not quite as hands-on and that’s a delicate art I am feeling my way through.

The up-side is I am learning to create a space where my self gets to reinvent myself.

Find a way to replenish and reinvigorate from within in soul-stirring ways.

It may actually be my turn.

So hopefully I am demonstrating that it’s never too late for a do-over.

And setting a good example for how to middle-age gracefully.